(
The school office
The school office is a scary place for most kids. Here’s a conversation I had with Gabi yesterday:
“Our lunch ladies are so mean!” she said.
“Why?” I asked.
“They were teasing this girl I know and calling her fat and chubby and laughing,” she replied
“What?! These are grown-ups, right?” I asked.
“Yes. I asked my friend if she liked what they were saying and she said no but that it was ok. So I told them to stop because my friend didn’t want them to say that.” Gabi explained.
“What did they say?” I asked. – These were adults?!
“They said that my friend knew that they were joking and did I want to go to the office with them?” my daughter replied.
“What did you say?”
“I said sorry and walked away. That made me scared.”
I was very proud of Gabi and told her so. She clearly felt that she had failed her friend and I explained to her that she had done something that most people wouldn’t have done. We had a big discussion about the office and why she felt it was a scary place. She said that the office was a place you went to when you had done something wrong. I replied that while that was true sometimes that it was also a place to go to for protection or help. She didn’t look convinced. And here’s another problem. She does not want me to “deal” with anything and I have to respect her wishes if I want her to continue to feel comfortable sharing with me. Any suggestions anyone?
I see the topic for a new book…….!!!
Great job Gabi – taking a stand with adults when you’re only 10 is a very brave thing to do!
Marsh what about suggesting to Gabi that she speak with her teacher about the situation and perhaps she’ll be open to going to the “office” together with her teacher to discuss what happened.
Hi Marsha!
This story reminds me of something similar that happened to my daughter’s friend when she was in grade 6. One of the kids in the class was a troublemaker and of course got blamed for everything that wasn’t even his fault by the teacher. One day the teacher said to him “it’s a good thing you have a family because I don’t know who else could love you”. Horrible words that left him devastated. He told me his parents said to just let it go but it continued to bother him. I told him that adults sometimes have bad days too and sometimes they take it out on other people but knew that wasn’t comforting enough. I didn’t tell him that I was going to speak to the teacher. I was the grade parent at the time and knew the teacher so one day I went into her class about another matter and brought up how upset this child was by her remarks. Obviously, she felt embarrassed that I knew about it but it worked wonders and she never made another rude comment to him again. As a matter of fact, she felt so bad that she started to treat him nicer and a result he acted out less and liked her more. Kids need to be respected too. Teachers and other authority figures sometimes need to be reminded of that. In this particular case, I wouldn’t speak directly to the office staff but to the principal. Tell the principal the story and let her/him deal with the staff not making anymore rude comments and scaring kids. The staff needs to be reminded that they are there to help the kids and be approachable.
Hope this helps you!
Thanks everyone. What an awful and sad story, Shelly. We’re so busy trying to deal with bullying between kids that we don’t see that adults can bully too. Not all teachers are created equal. I have already shared the story with Gabi’s class teacher (who is amazing) so I’m hoping that it will have the desired outcome. If not, I will definitely take it up with the principal. I’ve given Gabi a ton of kudos for standing up to the bullying in the first place and will continue to teach her that there are many ways to deal with these kinds of situations, including talking to us!