7 Reasons Why People Don’t Talk About Their Depression

Alongside understanding mental illness, it is equally important to understand the silence surrounding it. Progress in the treatment of an illness relies heavily on strong advocacy, a role that is often led by those living with the illness themselves.

The entertainment industry provides powerful examples. When Christopher Reeve sustained a spinal cord injury, he and his family devoted their time and resources to advancing research. When Michael J. Fox was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, he did the same. Yet when Robin Williams died by suicide following his diagnosis of Lewy body dementia, many people—including some of his closest friends—had no idea he had also been struggling with depression. Here was someone who could stand before thousands of people and speak candidly about almost any controversial topic, yet not about his own depression.

We will never know his reasons, but based on my own experience, I have seven ideas about why he—and so many others living with depression—find it so difficult to speak openly.

Stigma

What does stigma mean for someone with depression? It means living with the knowledge that many people still hold negative beliefs about the illness. Part of the problem lies in the language often used to describe it. Words like “nuts,” “crazy,” “not quite there,” “a misery,” or “head case” are labels no one would choose for themselves. There is also the persistent misconception that people with depression cannot perform well in the workplace. As a result, many highly capable individuals remain silent, fearing the impact that disclosure could have on their careers, relationships with colleagues, or job security.

Guilt

I know that when I’m depressed, I’m less of the partner, mother, daughter, sister, and friend I want to be. I’m already hard enough on myself without being reminded of everyone I feel I’m letting down. That guilt only deepens my depression. Depression is an illness that exists independently of how deeply we love the people in our lives. For many of us, shame becomes part of living with this illness, making it even harder to speak about.

Faking It

When I’m depressed, I don’t feel normal—but I desperately want to. I spent many years pretending I was fine when I felt anything but. I also believed, incorrectly, that talking about my depression would only keep me focused on negativity. I’ve since discovered the opposite is true. Allowing myself to be honest about what I’m experiencing can be deeply empowering.

No Words

Depression often affects our ability to think clearly and to find the words to describe what we’re feeling. Sometimes people don’t talk about their depression simply because they can’t. I know that when I write about depression, it is never during the times when I am depressed.

No Motivation

The simplest act of getting out of bed or taking a shower can require enormous effort for someone living with depression. Exhaustion and apathy are defining symptoms of this illness.

Self-Hatred

Society’s attitudes toward depression are often internalized by those who live with it. Negativity and pessimism are symptoms of depression, making it all too easy to believe we are weak, self-indulgent, or self-centred rather than ill. We don’t need much encouragement to hate ourselves. Self-loathing is already part of the illness.

No Desire

Having the desire to talk about depression implies that some hope still exists, even if it is only the smallest glimmer. Yet hopelessness is itself a symptom of depression. It becomes almost impossible to imagine life from a different perspective. If we could, we wouldn’t be depressed. Why talk about something when any possibility of resolution feels out of reach?

Depression is an illness of the mind—the very thing a spokesperson relies upon to advocate effectively. Certainly, many people living with depression are, for various reasons, able to speak openly about their experiences. But our greatest strength in advocacy will come when others also find their voices—whether they speak on behalf of a loved one, a friend, or simply out of compassion.