Monthly Archives: September 2009
Boom… Boom… Boom… Reviewed by Sue Scheff

My sincere thanks to Sue Scheff for reviewing my book “Boom… Boom… Boom…” and for her great endorsement.

Sue  founded the organization Parent’s Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.), an association that provides families with valuable information and resources for their children and teens that are at risk. Visit Sue’s website to read more about her dynamic work. You can also follow Sue on Twitter.

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Running and Depression

Having suffered since childhood from depression, I was deeply moved by an article I read on written by Daniele Seiss, entitled “Running For My Life“.

I began running to get fit and to shed some pounds and also discovered, accidentally, the huge benefits that pounding the earth has on my mental state. While I can never presume to understand Daniele’s personal “hell”, I understood as it related to me her description of depression as being an “isolating disease.”

I also remembered my pain in childhood because no one, not even myself, understood what was happening to me and why I felt so different. I blame nobody in the generation before mine because I understand that they were working within the constraints of their era. I believe, with exceptions, that every generation produces a unique parenting imprint that is related to the mood of the world at that time.

After years of war and depression, both physical and emotional, baby-boomer parents needed joy and a lightness of spirit in their lives. It was time. These parents were scarred themselves and mine were no exception. Being protected from truth in a time of extreme fear, I believe can produce an anxiety with no name – the worst kind. Both my parents were victims of this time. I was a product of their perceptions.

We cannot and should not forget our past. In our bigger world we need to analyze and dissect our history so that we don’t repeat our mistakes and so that we can repeat our triumphs. Just the same, we need to understand our personal history so that we can understand who we are and why we became that way. More importantly, understanding our past allows us to shape our future with conscious intention and by doing this, have a far greater chance of achieving personal happiness.

While depression has definitely lost much of its social stigma, there are still many who view it as a shameful disease. Many also believe that depression completely defines who someone is and not just one aspect of that person.

For these reasons, I choose the people I share with, but I no longer hide.

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Wedding Bliss and Grade 5 Anxiety

Our oldest son, Ilan, got married last week. And our ten year old daughter, Gabi, began her first day in grade 5 today. Having children spread over 16 years of age provides for an interesting existence.

Ilan (26) married Carrie, now his beautiful wife. It’s very hard to put into words the feeling of that experience. But try and stop me!

There is certainly a feeling of “OMG, I have a son who’s getting married!” There is also a feeling of excitement and anticipation after months of preparation. Mostly though, there is a feeling of gratitude. Gratitude that he chose an amazing person. Gratitude that they found each other.  Gratitude that she demonstrates compassion for his struggles and pride and joy for his achievements. Gratitude that we love them both and they seem to feel the same way. Gratitude that we get along so well with her family. Gratitude that my son seems so happy.

And then there’s resolve. I have strong feelings of resolve to always know my place and to offer opinions only when asked. I resolve to always try and understand personal boundaries and respect them. I resolve to keep an open mind and to continue growing and learning from my children.

OK, enough introspection! The wedding was beautiful! The flowers were amazing, the bride and groom looked incredible as did everyone in the wedding party, including me! I felt great! The band was seriously unbelievable  – Grooveyard. My daughter-in-law, usually a woman of few words, gave a lengthy, heartfelt speech.

It touched me and many others. Two of Ilan’s best friends also spoke. Their speech was humorous but really showed a deep understanding of Ilan. The humor continued when Adam and Dustin (Ilan’s two younger brothers) sang a medley of songs with their own lyrics. Hilarious! Little sister Gabi spoke which amazed me. I was so proud of her. I knew that she was anxious but she did it anyway and very sweetly I might add. All in all a “couldn’t be more perfect” evening.

Yesterday, we began a new school year. Walking Gabi into the playground and witnessing hundreds of boisterous children clamoring to be heard I could really understand her anxiety. It feels like chaos and for children who feel less secure in chaos it can be a nightmare.

On the way to school she said, “Mom, I don’t feel so brave today.” I thought that was a wonderful thing to say for so many reasons. How many ten year olds know what they are feeling and can express it so eloquently? We did lots of hugging and kissing and I will be sure to be at the school early because I know that my coming late is one of her anxieties. I never am, but she fears it and that’s what’s important. So my plan for the next few days until I see she is feeling more comfortable is to give her lots of love and empathic listening.

more →→ Name and NAIM Your Child

I havea new article posted today at called “Name and NAIM Your Child“.

This is a great new website dedicated to exploring feelings in children from all perspectives.  I’ve become a regular contributor there.


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